My Lost Child
by sana08
Summary: Scared of losing Christian all over again, Ana makes up her mind to get her baby aborted. But, after this she can never forgive herself. The story continues from the point where Christian leaves the house after Ana declares her pregnancy.
1. Prologue

Prologue

Someone's crying. I can faintly hear a tiny voice trying to reach out to me. A baby? I think so. I so want to try and get to the child. But, when I try to move, the voice only gets fainter and I feel lost. Although, I cannot move, I only want to hold the baby and coo it. I want to hold it in my arms and protect it from harms way. Unexpectedly it starts raining. But, instead of being drenched in water, I see myself drenched in blood. The baby's cry now gets louder and louder and then abruptly stops. The silence is torturous.

"Mommy, save me" I hear again and jerk. Mommy? Is there someone else around? Where is the baby? Who does this voice belong to? The voice is very sweet and velvety voice and is asking me to save it. Is it really my little blip?. "Mommy, I love you. Why don't you love me?" the voice continues pleading waking me from my stream of thought. "Why did you kill me Mommy? How did I deserve to die?" the child's tiny voice questions me.

My child? Is this my unborn child talking? I feel overwhelmed with remorse. Words fail me, but however, my child deserves an explanation. I chose the father over my baby. I was so selfish. This is nothing less to a murder. "I love you my little blip. I did not want to kill you. But, I .." I try to answer feeling weak and at a loss to words. There suddenly comes a roar "You killed me". Startled, I start looking around for the source of the voice. I want to see my baby. I want nothing more than to hold him.

"Why Mommy?" the tiny voice pleads again. "My little one, your dad and I, uh, we weren't ready for you sweetie. Please, we had no choice" I explain. "Mommy, if you weren't ready, you shouldn't have brought me to this world. Why did you have to kill me? I would have been a good boy. I would have played with you and daddy. But, you killed me. You could have kept me even if Daddy didn't want me. You could have saved me mommy. I would be a good son. I would have loved you, kept you safe, taken care of you" the voice asks.

"Oh my baby, I'm so sorry I couldn't save you. I'm so so sorry. I.." I try, but again I have to give in, unable to speak. The lump that formed in my throat doesn't allow me to talk. What kind of a mother am I? I killed my own baby. My own flesh. I was so selfish. "You deserve to die, Mommy" growls the voice and there comes a vicious laughter. Light blinds my eyes and I shut it tightly. "Look at me Mommy" pleads my child. I open my eyes slowly and I can see people. Grace, Mom, Ray, Kate and Mia. Where is Christian? "Christian" I call out.

"You deserve to die" comes a second roar. I turn around looking for the voice, this time it is Christian. But, with blue eyes? No this isn't Christian. "Where is Christian? Christian. " I try to shout. "Daddy is with me Mommy. Dead. You killed him too" says the voice keeping a horrifying calm. "No. No. No. Christian… Chri.. This is all my fault. I killed my baby. Please, take me. Not Christian. Pleas.." I want to beg. Beg for Christian. I have been foolish. Its my mistake. Not his.

"Ana.. Ana.. Baby.." comes Christian's smooth voice. But, I can tell he's worried. "Christian" I'm here. Please save us", I call out. Someone shakes me. I open my eyes, to be blinded with too much light again. As my eyes take in the surroundings, I see two grey eyes looking at me. "Oh Christian. Thank God! You're here" I say. "I'm here baby. Its ok. You're fine. Its only a nightmare. Its fine. I'm here. I love you."

He pulls me onto his lap and kisses my head, gently rocking me. "Its ok. You're safe. We're home" he tries to comfort me. Christian is here and safe, but where is my blip? Protectively my hand reached my tummy where I assume my child is growing. "Please protect us Christian" I say. He kisses away my tears and tries "Baby, I'm here to protect you, always". What about my child? "You will protect me, but our baby?" I blurt.

"Baby, I know how hard this must be for you, but.. but we had to take care of the baby, remember? I'm sorry Ana. Baby, calm down" he consoles, but I feel my breathing growing from heavy to ragged. "You bastard. You killed our child?" I shout pushing him away. "Ana, I didn't mean to baby. But, we weren't ready honey. Please Ana, listen to me" he says in a tone that is barely a whisper. "Don't you Ana me. You killed my child. I killed my little blip. I hate you." I say and Christian tries to get to me with eyes filled with concern and if I'm right, tears too. I can only feel myself shaking more with fury. "Don't" is all I manage to say before I can see nothing but black.


	2. Chapter 1: The Pregnancy

Christian's reaction was worse than what Ana expected. She knew he would go berserk at the news initially, but had expected him to come around sooner. However, what she expected the least was him blaming her to get knocked over and walking out on her. The world appeared to be crashing around her as she felt her knees give way.

"Mrs. Grey .. Ana.. " screamed Gail as she came running towards her to hold her. But, Ana couldn't hear anything. She felt so lost and alone. She had no idea of what to do or how to come out of this mess. Everything seemed to be so perfect until a few hours ago. The support Christian had given her in their recent past had been the only reason she had not succumbed to all the overwhelming incidents. Life's play button appeared to be in fast forward mode. She cannot even remember pausing once for breath since the god forbidden interview.

"What did I do Gail? What do I do?" she tried asking Gail trying to suppress her sobs. She missed having Christian hug her and tell everything will be alright. "Mr. Grey will come around. Please have some patience and keep calm. You need to give him some time." Gail tried to soothe her, but nothing was helping Ana. The only thing she knew beyond doubt was that she wouldn't survive another separation with Christian. As much strength as she could gather up with his support, his absence left her losing all of it, making her feel lost and weak. Can someone be so dependent on another? she wondered. "Pull yourself together Steele" she tried to tell her self, all in vain.

But, how could she convince him for the baby? The biggest question plaguing her. She knew she was hardly 22 years old, married to a man whom she barely knew for around half a year and she already was bearing his child. Her mother had her when she was so young and Ana knew perfectly about all the troubles and additional responsibilities that came along with childbirth. If something happened to her, would Christian abandon her child? Or would she have to loose Christian in an attempt to save a life that is yet a group of a few cells?

What would Grace or Carla say? Was the bitch troll right all along about her not being right for Christian? She couldn't satisfy his needs, let alone asking him to give in and accept the child. She tried to be as submissive as her mind would permit her to be, for him and she found that it wasn't bad at all. It had pushed her to limits beyond her imagination. But, getting an abortion? Was she strong enough for it? Could she do it, even if it was for Christian who was the only person she could trust her life with. But now, with the baby and him walking out? What would she do?

"Mrs. Grey , are you alright?" asked Gail looking at Ana pale with her stream of thoughts. "I'm ok" muttered Ana confused of whether or not she could tell Gail about the war happening in her mind. She knew perfectly that having a baby so soon was something both of them hadn't bargained on. "I need Christian. I'm going for him" was all she could manage to say before she took her bag and phone and rushed out.

As she reached the Garage, she looked around and saw all the cars in their places. So, Christian must have walked away. She felt better momentarily hoping that he wouldn't have gone far and that she could catch up with him. But, did he deserve all the extra burden she was bringing into his life forcefully? They weren't ready for a child yet. Is it better to get rid of a few cells right now and have a baby when both of them were ready? The thought seemed more appealing.

Christian's birth mother had him when she was least ready and consequences of that were Christian turning out to be fifty shades fucked up. He was trying to come around only now, and they definitely had a long way ahead of them. "Walk before you run" were Flynn's words for dealing with Christian. But, the baby now would mean that they had to fucking fly while they had only managed to take baby steps. How far was it right to subject a baby to all the fuckedupness they had in their lives?

Almost making her mind up that getting an abortion right now was better than being responsible for a fully grown child to be killed emotionally, Ana got into her Saab, determined to look for Christian and telling him her decision. But, was there any point in discussing this issue with Christian any more? The fact that he was the least happy about the child was obvious. May be it was time to take matters into her own hands. Her subconscious was trying to warn her against doing anything hasty, but a midst her strong thoughts about having to choose, she couldn't see anything beyond Christian.

Only Christian deserved her love and she wouldn't share it with anyone. Be it her own flesh. "From when did you lose humanity?" her subconscious growled at her. But, how could she take it if Christian was cold with their baby? She had seen what happened to Leila when she proved to be a thorn between them. Now, a baby? It definitely would have to live with them, and losing all control in that matter was something she couldn't expect Christian to give. Not this soon at least.

Getting rid of the baby seems to be the most suitable solution to this problem. That way they would have enough time for planning in the future and be ready for an extra life with them. Unconsciously she found herself in front of 's hospital instead of looking around for Christian. She managed to convince herself against all her motherly instincts for protecting her baby. She went straight to Dr. Greene's office and talked to her assistant. Being fit in through a packed appointment list showed her the privileges being had.

"My husband and I aren't yet ready for a child emotionally" she explained to Dr. Greene. "Are you sure of the decision ?" asked Dr. Greener sympathetically partially shocked. "Do you want me to talk to ? If he " continued the doctor but Ana cut her off mid sentence. "It is both of us who have to be ready for the child. I don't seem to have the strength for it yet. is not the problem in this. I am" she told.

"Very well then Mrs. Grey, its your baby and most definitely your call. But, we will need the approval from your husband as well for the abortion." says trying her most feeble attempt to make Ana back off from her decision. "I know the law Dr. Greene. A mother can get herself an abortion without any legal holdings" Ana snapped back frustrated. She wanted to get a few cells in her body removed and doesn't understand why she can't be understood. She was doing this for the benefit of the child.

She did not want her baby to be another 4 year old traumatized kid. She wanted to wait for Christian and herself to be fully ready. She knew how much Christian could give if he really wanted something. She wanted him to feel that about a baby in their lives. She wanted to give him a child when he wanted one. When he felt confident enough to be a father. She wasn't married to him to choose anything else over him when the time to choose came.

"Of course , but we can still wait for 6 more weeks for your abortion. Do you want more time to think about this?" says interrupting her thoughts. "I don't know" tells Ana honestly with all the strength she can muster, but her voice being nothing more than a whisper. " , please take some time to think. This is a life in question" pleads the doctor seeing Ana being flustered. "Okay. I will think about it. Honestly, I don't know what to do. I'm barely 22 years old. What sort of a mother will I be?" Ana retorted.

"Mrs. Grey , you have to think about this in a clear mind. You're clearly not in such a mindset currently and I would advise you to give your decision a better thought and come back to me if you choose to stick to your decision and go ahead with the abortion. However, the baby being hardly 3 weeks old, you might have to wait for 6 - 8 weeks before the chances of miscarriage reduce. So, as of now, yes you're pregnant. But, the chances of miscarriage are higher as well. So I would advise you to wait for sometime before you continue with your decision." says with a confident tone. The look on Ana's face gives away her worry, but however, right now she feels unsure of her decision for abortion. Her motherly instincts slowly taking over her mind.

Still unsure of anything, she retraces her steps back to Escala, with a hope of finding Christian and deciding something about the issue at hand. But, when she reaches back, the Apartment is filled with deathly silence. Taking note of the apartment being empty, she goes to the master bedroom craving for a quick shower and some sleep. Pulling her yoga pants and t-shirt out, she heads to the bathroom. The hot water feels divine on her aching body and wishes nothing more than lying down on the soft sheets in Christian's arms. Heaving a sigh at the thought of Christian she finally comes out of the bathroom only to find herself not alone.


	3. Chapter 2: The Intruder

"What the hell are you doing here?" yelled Ana. "Christian! What the fuck did you do to him?" she continued worried as she ran to her unconscious husband. "Ana, nothing is wrong with Christian. He has just had too much to drink. Please relax and listen to me." she adjured Ana. "I'm not interested in anything you have to say" Ana snapped. "Don't. Its only Ana" slurred Christian, still unconscious, startling both of them. "Ana, please listen to me. I don't mean to hurt you. You have always got a wrong impression of me. I always had the best intentions in mind for Christian and inturn for you. I agree that I felt you weren't correct for him because you couldn't satisfy his needs. But, I now understand I was so wrong. I understand how much Christian needs you and I fully intend to keep it that way. I don't want anything more than both of you to be happy" she continued.

"Enough Elena. Such words don't suit a paedophile like you. What is this? A new trick of yours to get a hold on my husband again? We don't need you in our lives. What part of this is so difficult to understand?" growled Ana. But, she was feeling her anger abate. Elena was appearing more humane than ever. But, the fact that she took advantage of a 15 year old boy still haunted her and she was never going to forgive the bitch troll for what she had done.

"I understand every part of it" said Elena earnestly. "I did not go to Christian. He came to me today. He looked traumatized and I only took him out for a drink to make him feel better. As I understand his worries, he finds himself incapable of being a good father. He is afraid of himself treating his child the same way he was treated by his mother. I mean his birth mother. He is scared to hell that you will leave him again. Ana, please don't leave him. I have seen what he went through the last time you left him and that is a state no one would wish to see Christian in again." Elena continued to plead.

"Whatever gives you the idea that I will be happy to walk out on Christian. If you may permit, this is our personal business and I very much intend to keep it that way. I know how to care for my husband and the last person I would look to for any kind of advice is you" Ana said, still unable to keep her anger at bay. How dare Christain run to this bitch as soon as they had a rough patch between them. All her feelings of hurt was converted to anger and now was channeled only towards Elena. To finally have a one to one with the was making her feel so much better. "Did you get converted to a saint? Because looking at you as a person who took advantage of children to satisfy her sexual urges, the words from your mouth sound extraordinary." Ana remarked sarcastically.

"Ana, you don't exactly know what happened between us and the circumstances. I don't deny the sexual relationship I had with Christian, but, it did not start off like what you're thinking. Please let me explain. May be then you will see me and Christian for what we are. I tried to meet you to talk to you about all this a lot of times. But, you never encouraged the thought of it. If I hadn't truly cared for Christian, I wouldn't have been standing in front of you taking all your insult. The fact that he came to me when he felt he had no where to go should tell you something though, doesn't it?" pressed Elena failing to mask her annoyance.

"Alright. Although I cannot believe I am letting myself listen to you, I will give you this one chance to speak. But, only on one condition. You will never set your filthy hands on my family. Ever." said Ana brusquely and started to walk out "However, i would like my husband to rest peacefully, and I am barely able to tolerate you standing in our bedroom. So, lets go out to the hall, shall we?" she added looking over her shoulder. Elena could only manage "Of course", her eyes filled, trying to muster all her strength to keep the tears at bay. Showing Ana how weak she could get was the last thing on her mind right now. But, Ana's attitude towards her wasn't helping. Why is it so hard for this girl to only hear me out, her mind questioned.

They reached the kitchen area and Ana poured herself some orange juice, asking Elena if she preferred some wine. After a long day's work and all the evening's drama, there could be nothing better than cool wine for her to relax. Ana poured some Pouilly-Fumé and handed it over to Elena. "Ana, I.. I don't know where to begin from" stated Elena. "Beginning would be good enough" Ana answered. She didn't know if she was up to Elena's side of the story, but decided that it would be best to address the elephant in the room.

"Ana, like you already know, Grace and I were good friends. When she shared her failed attempts to reach out to Christian with me, I could see my childhood problems too. A drunk father who was waiting to get rid of me. I had to get married when I was 15 so that my father's drinking habits were well funded. Unlike you, my husband was incapable of giving me any love. He wanted a beautiful wife for him to show off in his business world and I have never felt he was even interested in me with all my self-pity. I was filled with so much remorse that I couldn't see the love he tried to show me at times. For me, all that he wanted was sex with my body. most of the time I was left hanging with denial after he fulfilled his desire. I could see a similar frustration in Christian. Only that his condition was a little different. The only way I coped with frustration was by gaining control of my body. I took complete control of my sexual life and I wanted to help Christian muster similar control in his life. Over his body. Initially, I honestly did not have any intentions proceeding sexually. But, the first time he came to my house to work at my backyard, I could see him craving for pleasure, an outlet. His vexation of not being able to let himself be touched by anyone to fulfill the desires his body longed for was clear. When I kissed him on the cheek after slapping him, I could see a contentment in his eyes."

"I wanted to stop him from ruining his life. I tried the only way I knew, and it worked. So, I continued doing it until he gained control. When he was 21, I could see that he could not let someone else dictate his life for him. Not even me. When he declared that he didn't want to sub for me anymore, I let him go. I helped him set up his business when his parents too had no hope for him because, I could see the potential in him. I had come to believe that my Christian could do anything he wished. I subbed for him when he felt he was a dominant and not a sub. I taught him in the ways I knew, just like you're trying in the ways you know. But, what matters is which one is working. My methods were working until you came into his life. I was confused. Not just for him, but for myself too. I tried to convince myself that love was for fools. But, any fool who saw the both of you would tell differently. I started asking myself if my life would be different if I had met a person like you instead of Lincoln."

"After the incident at Bellevue on Christian's birthday, I understood that what Christian needed wasn't sex but love. I saw it in all your eyes. That was why I hadn't tried to contact any of you after that. I even sent Isaac away. I started wishing that such love could happen to me too. When I saw Christian today, I could see the lost boy I had seen 12 years ago. I wanted to see if my ways of taming him still worked on him. I tried to hold him, and he repulsed from my touch. He kept telling that he was only for you. To be honest, I am extremely jealous of you. But, to see my Christian.." explained Elena and saw anger flash across Ana's face at the mention of "my Christian." "Sorry, your Christian is a much better man than what I had made of him Ana" She quickly corrected.

"I understood that I had no place in his life when he repulsed. The most I could expect was to be friends with the wonderful person you're bringing out. Now I know even that is too much. I really care for him a lot Ana. If it is you who he wants in his life, I respect that." Elena confessed. "But, as I understand you want to start a family and even though I am no one to have any say in it, I want to let you know what Christian confided in me today. He sure wants to start a family with you Ana, and he has no doubt about you bringing out the wonderful father in him. But, he however needs some time. He has met you only recently and has just begun to cherish you and change into being your man. Old ways die hard. But, he sincerely is making every attempt to change into the better person you're bringing out of him. All that is required here is time. You do understand that he can snap back with all this pressure."

"After seeing the changes in Christian you're bringing, I have no shame in admitting that I too wouldn't like it if he went back to his old ways" she said taking Ana completely by surprize. Ana never imagined Elena to be this compassionate. All the hate she held for this old lady seemed to evaporate. She could see that although what Elena did to a 15 year old boy wasn't acceptable, she cared for him and tried to bring him to track in her own ways. It was not certain which way Christian had gone, if not for this lady. Chances of him ending up in any rehab or even worse as a criminal also couldn't be ruled out. Elena channelled his energy. She had helped him grow and now she was also making sense about the baby. Christian did indeed need more time and Ana too didn't want him to snap back to his old ways. After deciding to keep the discussion about the baby with her husband for the next day, she looked at Elena and talked in a soft voice.

"I still am not convinced about what you did to a 15 year old boy being right. But, right now, I choose not to dwell on it. Thank you for bringing my husband home and caring for him in your own ways. I am not sure if I am broad minded enough to accept everything and let you walk into our life, but I promise I'll try. The only reason I'm willing to try is, like I saw the heart in Christian, I see a heart in you too. Right now, you have given my mind too much to process. I will need more time to think about all this and you. I hope you will understand." she said and without waiting for her response, she dialled Taylor's number. " , is there anything of concern" Taylor asked worried, answering her call at the second ring. "Taylor, sorry to be disturbing at this hour, but I need you to drop safely at her residence." she told,thanked him and cut the call on hearing "Certainly m'am. No problem. I will be there in a minute."

"Its late and Taylor will see you now, I would request you to stay out of our lives and give us sometime." muttered Ana. "I appreciate your concern for us. Have a good night." she said and went to her bedroom. Christian was thrashing his limbs and breathing heavily. She knew instantly that he had started having a night terror and rushed to his side, calling out "Christian, baby.. wake up. I'm here. you're having a bad dream. wake up honey." and he opened his eyes wide. He held Ana tightly like his life depended on her and kissed her passionately. "Christian, I'm here. I love you" was all Ana could manage before her mouth was closed by his again, crushing her to the bed. He was so desperate to hold her, to have as much contact as possible with her body, to be within her.

He quickly strip her from clothes with no gentleness whatsoever and he got naked as soon as he could. His head was still pounding from all the alcohol, but he didn't care. Not willing to free her mouth, he continued to kiss and pushed himself within her, thrusting harder and faster. She could feel herself building in response to him. She finally came loudly, screaming his name and he too came with a couple of extra thrusts. The energy he had in him had faded, and he landed on her, slipping into deep sleep. Unable to take his weight on her, she slowly turned him to his side and turned herself, allowing them to still be in the strongest connection they had, his part of the body within hers, and she too let sleep take over her.


	4. Chapter 3: Mistakes and the apology

A/N: This is my first attempt in writing and all your reviews have been a constant encouragement for me to write more. Thank you so much.

Declaration: All the characters belong to EL James and my story is only a work of fiction.

Ana woke up the next morning and realized that she and her husband had slept perfectly still all night, keeping their precious connection intact. She blushed and ran the back of her index finger along Christian's jaw. Christian stirred lightly and muttered again "Don't leave me Ana." She had heard him ask her not to choose the baby over him and told her that he couldn't bear it to share her love with anyone, yet. She remembered Elena's words of him not being ready to be a father yet.

The thought of Elena made her slightly cranky, but, she couldn't help admit that what the bitch spoke was true. May she wasn't so evil after all. SHaking Elena off her head, Ana looked at the bedside clock. "8 am. Shit!" she spat as she pulled off from Christian gently and ran to the bathroom. Ana had managed to get her phone with her. She had decided she wouldn't hurt Christian anymore and for that she needed to contact immediately. As she tried to freshen up she also called the doctor and requested for an appointment. Reluctantly the doctor had agreed to come in early and had asked Ana to be at the hospital in 45 minutes, on an empty stomach. Ana rushed through her shower and quickly left, putting on her jeggings with a comfortable white tee and her converse. As she passed the kitchen, "Morning , breakfast?" chirped Mrs. Jones. "Um, Gail, I have an early morning appointment. I am in a rush. How about I come back in an hour or two and eat? Please let Christian know that I am out for some urgent business" she called out and left.

"I have decided doctor. Between my husband and I, neither of us are ready for the baby. It may in fact lead to a downfall of our still building married life and I don't want that to happen. I want to opt for a termination and I want it to happen right away." Ana told unable to hide the sadness in her tone, hoping right now would cause minimal pain to the life within her. "As you wish . Please put on this hospital gown and wait, the nurse here will take you to the OR." said and went to get the necessary arrangements done. The doctor made sure that Ana hadn't consumed anything solid / liquid over the past 6 hours. On obtaining confirmation, Ana was told that Vacuum Aspiration would be done on her and that the procedure would be done soon. In around 20 mins, the termination was complete and told Ana that she would be kept in observation for a couple of hours before she could go home.

After the procedure, Ana had hoped to feel slightly lighter and comfortable to go to her husband. But, an unknown lump seemed to be forming in her heart. She tried to convince herself that everything would be fine and went back home. On reaching, Gail was still in the kitchen religiously scrubbing. "This woman seriously needs to give herself a break from the cleaning" she thought as she approached her and asked for Christian. " hasn't come down yet " replied Gail. Glancing at her watch, Ana thought it was nothing like her husband to sleep until afternoon. Slightly worried, she went to her room to find Christian still naked, wide awake, staring at the white ceiling.

"Whats the matter baby" asked Ana as she moved forward and ran the back of her index finger through his stubble. Why is this man so handsome thought Ana and smiled at her Greek God. "Did you leave me on bed like this?" he asked innocently and was rewarded with a giggle. "God! I so love that sound. Baby, maybe I should record it. It is the best thing that can calm me down." he said earnestly. She smiled and gave him a quick peck on the lips saying "I love you so much . But, we need to talk". Christian was well thinking about the issues they had at hand, the pregnancy, him walking out on her and was already thinking about how he could address them. He had met Elena the previous he remembered only little from the previous evening, the seriousness in his wife's tone assured him that he had screwed something up. "Of course Baby" he said and got up. "Let me fresh and we can talk over brunch " he announced as he made his way to the bathroom.

Unsure of whether to follow him or not, Ana sat confused on the bed. Their ways of making up for a fight had mostly been sex and she did not know if she wanted to let this go the same way. Her body still however craved for her husband and her eyes wanted to capture only him. She so wanted to tell him that everything would be back to normal and that she had their unwanted pregnancy terminated. Determinedly she followed her husband to the bathroom. He hadn't noticed her arrival until she went and hugged him from the back. Despite having been able to tolerate her touch, he flinched slightly at the unforeseen attack. Not failing to see this, Ana freed him from her arms and turned him to face her. Holding his face in her hands, she started "Christian, I want you to know that I love you and will continue to love you whatever happens. All night you were muttering about me choosing the child over you which I can never do. Not as long as I'm alive. I love you too much to be able to survive away from you. Both emotionally and physically. This baby is what you have given me. A part of both of us. If you're not ready for it, it can wait. Please realize that I cannot and will never choose anything apart from you" she confessed, her eyes filling up.

"Oh Baby, I'm sorry. I will never do anything that will hurt you. Lets talk and I can explain" he begged hugging her tight. Holding her close to him, he took her into the shower, unwilling to let her go even for a moment. All that she could do is enjoy his embrace. Still dressed, Ana was drenched to bone from the shower, and Christian slowly freed her from her clothes. Both of them washed each other with all the love they had and stepped out of the shower, feeling relaxed.

"Christian, why did you have to go meet Elena last night?" Ana questioned playing with the stir fry Gail had prepared for them. "It hurt me much more than you storming out and even more than how hurt I was when we thought our relationship was over. You left me alone to deal with everything. I needed you more than ever yesterday Christian. I wish you hadn't done this to me" she continued. "Baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. Last evening, I could not deal with the news you gave me. I felt the control I was able to gain all my life was being snatched away from me. I just wanted to think clearly before I could snap out and hurt you or do something reckless. I don't want to and can't afford to lose you Ana." he answered. "I wanted to think clearly before I could talk to you about what we can do. Yes, we're not ready for the baby yet, but I also know that asking you to get rid of it will break you."

Unable to digest his words, Ana just looked at him awestruck. Was her husband agreeing to have a baby? Was he ready to keep their child and be a father? His willingness to try meant so much to her and she couldn't stop herself from hugging him. But, how could she tell him what she had done? Did she rush into the abortion? Confused with all her overwhelming thoughts, she leaned her head onto his chest and silently sobbed. Her man trying to understand and feel for her was something that meant so much for their life together but, she had ruined all of it again. "Baby, I won't lie to you by telling I am happy with all this. I still feel the timing is awfully wrong. I felt I would burst at you with fury and first ran to see Flynn. I reached there to find his office closed. I then remembered about him being away for the week. Annoyed, I aimlessly ran and unconsciously found myself in front of the salon. Elena was locking the place and leaving for the day. I swear, I did not go to her because I wanted to Ana"

"I realized yesterday that what I had with Elena all those years ago was wrong. She too got the picture that I was a changed man now and my love towards you would never change. All the time I spent with Elena yesterday, I could imagine our baby being subjected to what I went through and I felt my blood boil" he said resting his big hands on Ana's stomach. "The very thought of it made me feel disgusted. All I could do was drink to get all that out of my head. I only remember drinking, I don't remember when or how I reached home. Baby, I'm really sorry. I truly am. I will support you. Lets have this child. Lets build a family. I know I should have told all this yesterday. Please excuse my outburst. I know you don't deserve any of this" he admitted.

"Christian, its too late for it" was all Ana could blurt before breaking down into uncontrollable sobs. "Ana, what's wrong? look at me. What the hell is wrong Ana?" Christian questioned. "I got an abortion" said Ana still sobbing. "You did what? You fucking didn't kill our child Ana. Tell me you're joking" growled Christian running both his hands in his hair, frustrated. "AM I NOT THE FATHER? DIDN'T YOU FUCKING THINK YOU NEEDED TO TALK TO ME BEFORE YOU DID SOMETHING" he screamed. But, fatigue took over her and before she could say anything, she had fainted, Christian reaching just in time to prevent her from falling off.


	5. Chapter 4: Confession

A/N: I know the abortion is a little disturbing. But it isn't unnatural. Things like this happen quite frequently. Also, In my story Ana isn't the over-matured girl who is able to take all of Christian's tantrums, but the naive 21 year old girl who learns through her mistakes. I really thank you for your reviews. It is really encouraging me write more.

Angela: I am not the same 13 year old (Who ever you referred to). Before jumping into conclusions, it would be better if you cross checked. Also, if you have comments which would help me better my writing, you're welcome. But it also would be good if you remembered that you're no one to count my writing days.

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"How could she do this mom? This is not the Ana I know. She would never make her needs a priority and kill a life." Christian complained to Grace. "Did you two talk about it, did you say anything that hurt her? Anything that gave her a slightest clue to do this? Because Christian, if a girl like Ana has to take a severe step like this, she definitely would have been under pressure. I think its best you spoke to her about everything. But remember to keep your calm. She is still very young Christian. Keep that in mind." Grace said looking up to Christian. "For now she seems to be fine. Just the weakness got to her. You go talk this out with her, I will see myself out."

As Grace left the building, Christian went to find Ana. Something wasn't right. This was not the Ana he knew. She wouldn't do something this atrocious for the world, let alone for him. She can only give love. His Ana would fight with him to make him see the right. But the Ana lying in front of him had just given in to his weakness. Was trying to please him for some reason. He needed her to tell him what was happening inside her head. She needed him to be calm for her to confide in him about her fears and he would try his best.

"Anastasia, how are you feeling" he spoke softly, not attempting to even touch her. He was scared of her for some reason. "Christian, please don't hate me" she sobbed. "Ana, I don't deny being more than angry with you right now. Hell knows I even feel you aren't the same compassionate Ana whom I married. But, I can never hate you. I want to understand what led you into such a hasty decision without even talking to me about it and its fucking costing me all the self control I have not to be grounding you for what you have done." he admitted. "Do you want to talk to me? or would you prefer Flynn?"

Ana shook her head on hearing the name Flynn. She wanted to talk to her husband. SHe wanted him to understand her deep fears. Her insecurities. If anyone could ever make her feel better, it would be her husband and not the shrink. "I want to talk to you" she spoke softly. Christian smiled and moved forward to sit on the bed holding her hand. "Tell me" he urged.

"I feel I'm never enough for you. I have a constant urge in me to satisfy you, to not defy you or hurt you. But, all that you have experienced from me is problems. I'm scared of stepping into Leila's shoes one day, when you will do anything possible to get rid of me. I feel you will one day think all the problems that I have got into your life and all the lack of control you experience around me is enough and you decide to just decide me to clear your life from my presence. Elena knows you so much better than I do. I fel I don't know anything about you Christian. The thought of whether I could bring tea for you or if you would prefer coffee leaves me confused. I'm afraid of how you will react. The thought of having a baby was itself intimidating and to consider that I felt so insecure in our marriage made me think twice. I felt you did not want the trouble of having a baby now and that I could not push that responsibility onto you. If something were to happen to me, what would happen to the helpless child? None of this thoughts could promise me that you would never let our child go Christian. But, I now understand that none of what I felt can justify what I did."

"Ana, have I given you a reason to feel all of this? Have I failed in showing you how special you're to me? If I'm feeling any love at the moment, its because of you. You are the fresh breath of air in my life. Have I shown you otherwise anytime?" he questioned gravely. "No Christian, not until now. But, we have just started our relationship. How can we be sure that everything will be fine in the future? I don't blame you for freaking out yesterday. Because that's exactly what I was feeling too. If we ourselves aren't secure in our relationship, do you think it would be a good place for our child? " she asked. "He could end up having just as troubled youth as you did Christian."

"Both of us were distressed yesterday and you ran off to Elena. Would you like it if too ran off to someone? May be Jose? for relief? Jose and I are only friends Christian. Elena is your ex. Still you took our problems to her. You told her about my pregnancy and you confessed about not being ready to take up the responsibility of a father yet. You ran to her to tell that you needed time. All that I got to see was you going berserk and coming back home drunk. Oh Sorry, brought home drunk. And to top all this, you ex not only brought you home, but lectured me about how I had to give you more space and time. I did feel very insecure Christian.I love you madly enough to be scared of losing you. Especially after seeing how easy it is for you to get rid of someone from your life."

"But, I don't understand." he paused. "Wait a second. Did you just say that Elena convinced you into the abortion?" he asked confused. "Not directly, no. But she did hint that to me. That woman loves you Christian. She talked to me about all your fears which you had told her." Ana answered. "But, I did not tell anything about your pregnancy yesterday Ana. I might have mentioned you wishing to start a family and me not being ready for it. But, about the pregnancy, no. God No." Christian said.

"Whatever Christian, right now I feel like shit. I just killed my baby with hopes to get closer to you. A woman like me doesn't even deserve to live, let alone a happy life with you. I would perfectly understand if you hate me now Christian" she told, her mind still ringing bells about Elena's words. "Ana, baby, no. I don't hate you. I'm beyond pissed at you for foolishly believing to win me over by doing something ruthless. But, Anastasia, listen to what I tell you now carefully. I don't want you to change who you're for pleasing tender-hearted, innocent Anastasia was the girl who beguiled me. I hated the coldness I was radiating before I met you. Before you, I hated myself. I don't wish you to be turning into anywhere close to that. And your current act has been of such nature."

"How could I do this?" Ana broke down. "Ana, you only had to talk to me about it. May be you could wait out?" suggested Christian. "I know my behavior yesterday was not acceptable, and that also has contributed to your decision. But, it doesn't make what you have done right Ana." he admonished. "I suggest you have a few sessions with Flynn Ana. Seriously. You have issues and you need to address them too. We should never go through anything like this again due to lack of communication, do we? may be we can have a joint session?" and Ana nodded.

She had really screwed up this time. How could I do this? was the constant question plaguing her mind. "Christian, will you please forgive me?" she begged. "Ana, both of us have done wrong and we need to forgive each other. But, we need some time to get over all this too." he told her. "Will you take me to the church? I don't know if it will make me feel any better. I don't know if I will ever forgive myself for what I have done, but, I want to go." she asked Christian. "Sure, you get better, we will go."

"Taylor" came Christian's voice loudly across the living room of Escala. "Sir" Taylor came in. "Where were any of you when Mrs. Grey went to 's clinic today?" he probed. "Sir, wanted to go to see her doctor and she requested some privacy. So, Sawyer only followed her until the hospital and followed her back." Taylor responded. "Have I not made myself clear about being notified any minor thing regarding Mrs. Grey? How could you let this go without my notice Taylor?" Christian tensed. His security team hadn't told him anything about Ana wanting to visit the hospital and although it wasn't their fault he couldn't help himself from hoping that he could have stopped Ana from the abortion if he only knew about it. But, warning them was important for him because, if she happened to get into trouble, considering the audacity she could portray, he couldn't tolerate being left in the dark.

"The next time you let something like this slip my notice, you will fucking be in trouble Taylor" he warned and left to his study running both his hands through his hair, disappointed. Just that he could not point out who he was disappointed at.

He could hardly work in his study. Would they be able to get over all of this and carry on with their life? Would Ana still continue to change for him? Was he changing Ana into the cold being he is instead of the reverse that he so hoped would happen? Would Ana be able to forgive him for all the times he could hurt her? SO many questions started to hound him. How would they get past this? Knowing Ana, she would beat herself up over her stupidity. The thoughts themselves were so infuriating. Its not anymore about just your fucking self Grey. If only you had kept your mind and talked to her, all this might not even be happening.


	6. Chapter 5: Conspiracy?

A/N: My apologies for the late update. I was out on an unscheduled business trip and could not find time.

Thank you all for all the reviews. However, I know that my description about the abortion is unorthodox and clearly differs to what happens generally. But, you will have to wait to see the reason in it. One review from a guest said that Ana couldn't have sex soon after abortion. I would like to make it clear that she didn't and she didn't want to either.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. Any new character I introduce is imaginary and purely fictional without any connection to anyone living or dead. Any resemblance is purely unintentional and coincidental.

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"Any better?" Christian asked Gail, two weeks after the incident. Gail just shook her head, her face falling. Desponded, he went up to the room to see her. Any little hope that was left in him for his wife was also lost when he saw her. She looked pale and torpid. The sight of her was like a punch on his chest. He felt he was loosing all the air in his lungs, suffocated and clueless of what he could do. She took no notice to him and instead was staring at the white ceiling. "Ana" he called. He had struggled hard to muster all his strength to speak without breaking down, but his call was only a hiss. His wife didn't react and was still staring above. She hadn't even noticed his presence. He crawled next to her on the bed and only then her chain of thoughts was broken and she turned to look at him. Without knowing what to do, Christian just lay close to her weeping. It was torture to see her lose herself this way. She had scarcely eaten over the past week and had refused to interact with anyone. Christian had tried to talk her into meeting Flynn, but she had refused to open up to him as well. He did not want to lose her, but nothing seemed to be working.

"Please talk to me Ana. How can I look at you like this and still be in one piece? You're killing me Ana. I don't know what to do at all. You said you went and got an abortion done with a fear of losing me. Now how do I have to deal with losing you? Please Ana, talk to me" Christian begged, turning around to hold her face in his palms. "I don't deserve your love Christian. What I did is unforgivable. Which mother will be like me? If my mother or your mother had us terminated, we would not be living this amazing life. Who was I to deny our baby of a lovely life with all my insecurities?" she cried. She had already lost control of the flow of her tears. Her eyes were now in the deepest shade of red, puffed up. Christian was surprised her tear glands still weren't dry with how much she had cried. He was able to do nothing as he saw her weep for the past fortnight. He was scared to approach her or to even hold her. Scared that she would push him away. Scared about damaging her more, about making her feel more supine and enclosed. Even the hyper active sex that had existed before all these problems had vanished. He so wanted to pull her close to him and pour all his love onto her. But, he didn't know the effect that would have on her. He finally had only managed to pull her close and holding her still against him.

"Anastasia, all of us make mistakes. I am to be equally blamed for your haste. But, we cannot sit back wailing about the past. we have to move on Ana. Please don't lock and beat yourself up. Whatever may happen, we need each other Ana. Baby, please come back to me? I miss you so much. Tell me what I can do to make you feel better? You deny talking to Flynn too. How do I make you feel better Ana? I really feel lost" Christian pleaded. "I deprived you, I deprived us of a wonderful life with a baby Christian. We would have so many excitements, adventures. Our baby would bring us so much happiness. I feel so miserable for being a woman who killed him and still mourning over it. If anyone is to be blamed for what happened, its me. No one else. tried so much to convince me against it. But, I remained adamant. She even told me that we could wait until 6 weeks before having a safe abortion. I still didn't listen. All I needed to do was wait for you and just have a talk, with both of us calm. I couldn't do so much for our sakes." Ana sobbed.

"Ana, may be I did consider and imagine a life with you and a baby and an exciting life for a brief amount of time. But, the fact that I was, fuck! I still am shit scared of being a father and not at the least happy about having to share you, even if it is with my own child. You know I am a selfish man normally Ana. But, when it comes to you, it on a totally different level. I cannot yet bring myself to have your love being given to someone else. I have waited a long time to find you and I only understood this after you fell at my office. I still thank my lucky stars on that day for dropping you in my hands, giving Kate the blessed flu." Ana shuddered. The abundance of love Christian had for her and showed her always made her scared and worried. If something fateful were to happen to her, she was concerned about where Christian would land. But, right now she herself was unsure of where she was. She knew that what she did was terribly wrong. Even with all the assurance Christian was giving her, she was still not able to push herself to move on. Flynn had told her to move on, now that she had accepted that what she did was wrong. Christian sensed her confusion and reached down to kiss her forehead when Ana let out a tiny moan. She was feeling secured in Christians arms and that feeling overtook her week's feeling of remorse. To be held by her husband and to feel emotionally safe was not currently what she felt deserving. "Please don't leave me Christian. I need you" Ana spoke not any more audible than a whisper.

Christian pulled her closer and slowly traced the path between her forehead and lips trailing wet, deep kisses. Just as he was about to kiss her lips, and Ana couldn't do anything in response, but to close her eyes. "Sir" Taylor called out. Ana opened her eyes and looked up at her husband as he let out a frustrated growl. He quickly ended his trail of kisses with a small peck on her lips and snapped "What is it?".

"Sir, we um.. need to speak" Taylor stuttered. He knew his boss insisted on not being disturbed when he was with his wife, unless it was really important. The chain of events that were happening were making it evident that there was someone conspiring against them and it was a clever game that was being played. The ordeal he had to go through to figure this out wasn't easy and he was sure that whoever was playing this, were determined to leave boss and his family shattered. What had happened between the boss couple was very much related to this he came to know and no one could even suspect foul play in normal family issues. "It better be important Taylor. You have no idea of what I had to leave with your interference." Christian glowered pulling Taylor out of his abstraction.

"Sir, we have information that Mrs. Lincoln and Leila are in contact with each other. However, along with them, there is an unrecognized third man spotted. Also, Leila is finding her ways out of her art classes and has also been skipping her sessions." Taylor explained as Christian stared back at him trying to make sense of what was told to him. "What does this mean? What else do we know?" he asked recognizing some unusuality. "If I may ask, did you happen to mention to about 's being pregnant?" Taylor asked and Christian shook his head bewildered. "When was talking to , I was listening. I had a feeling she was trying to get a hit 's compassion. Even though everything she had said was nothing but truth, my instincts told me that something wasn't right. So I put tabs on her and we found about about her association with Leila. As was the person who introduced Leila to you, and her doctor, unlike , was convinced that she had recovered, this meeting also reveal any dubious intentions."

"I wasn't convinced myself that something could be conspiring until I deciphered their conversation. There is a possibility that what I tell you now can be totally wrong, but, my gut instinct tells me not to ignore it. It can be very very serious if my suspicions turn out to be true."

"Go on" said Christian clearly worried about what trouble they would have to go through now.


	7. Chapter 6: Contemplation

"What is it that you want?" spat Elena. "um , I'm sorry to have been disturbing you, but I needed to know what happened." she replied, hesitant. "What happened where? Do you know what message will be sent out if one of Christian's dogs catch our scent? You aren't supposed to be running outside. You do remember the warnings you got from him."

"I am aware of the consequences m'am. But, I really cannot take the treatment any more. The more time I am spending with the shrinks, the faster my resistance is wading. I wanted to know more about your promise to talk to the doctor. I really cannot take this type of life anymore. I want to get to my love. I want to show him that I can be better for him than that bitch!" she scowled.

"Leila, will you shut the fuck up! For Christ's sake Leila, are you nuts? You don't seem to care in the least about yourself. With your public presence and reckless talks, you are sure to get both of us killed. Like I had promised, I will help you. But you need to be goddamn patient." scolded Elena.

"Now listen, I have spoken to the doctor and she has promised to help us. For anything, she already is on it or even done with it. I don't know yet. So stop getting both of us into trouble and get back to where you're supposed to be. If I know Christian, he definitely would have kept tabs on you, and I am not ready to put my life in line for your sake. I only agreed to help you because you were my girl. But, once more you do anything stupid like this, you're free to deal with your own fate." Elena said in an icy tone no louder than a whisper.

Christian replayed and listened to the recording four more times and was left as confused as Taylor was. The first impression of this conversation on anyone was that a mentally disturbed patient was trying to get some help to escape from her treatment. But, did their conversation have more to what their were letting on?. This was confusing. Who had Elena spoken to and what had the doctor promised her? Elena had also specified that she would get in touch with a lady doctor. What could they possibly be planning?

"Taylor, I want Elena's call history" Christian ordered. "Already ahead in that boss. I traced a few calls that raised my suspicions" Taylor commented pointing out one phone number which was circled in red. There were 8 calls between Elena and that number. The first one was on June 18, second one was on the 10th of July, there were two in August, on the 12th and the 28th, 2 calls in September, on the 14th and 15th and two calls on September 22nd, that was just one day before they were listening to this conversation.

"Who does this number belong to?"

"Mr Grey , it was taken under the name of Celia and under a fake address. But the address given was in Fremont."

"Its however clear that Leila did get in touch with Elena before they could meet. But, how long has this been going on for? And weren't we sure that she was in safe hands in Fremont? What happened to the tabs I asked you to keep on her?"

" Mr Grey , Leila is proving to be more and more challenging. Of course there are tabs on her, but none of them reported anything unusual to me. That is what is puzzling."

"Taylor, I need to talk to before we can read more into this." Christian said simultaneously dialing 's number.

"John, I need a clarification. Was any woman looking after Leila's progress in Fremont?" he spoke without waiting for the doctor's voice.

"Um, Hello Christian. If I'm right, I left her in the care of Dr. Grenden. And no. there was no woman who was associated in Leila's case."

"John, I need an information. If you could call the psychiatric care in Fremont and find out about Leila's current situation it would be great. I need to know everything she is up to."

"Okay Christian. I will get back to you on that."

"Thanks John". he said and hung up quickly dialing another number.

"Welch, Taylor will give you a call log. I want to know the details of all the numbers on it asap:"

"Yes sir" replied Welch but the line was already dead.

"Taylor, give these to Welch and get back the details from him. Also, get in touch with Leila's psychiatric facility and get every possible detail about her. I want it as soon as possible Taylor"

"Sir" replied Taylor.

"I need to get to Ana now. She needs me. If you have anything to tell me, wait until I am alone. Lets leave Ana out of all this."

"Yes Sir" Taylor said as both of them left Christian's study, Christian towards his bedroom and Taylor towards his own study.

As Christian reached the room, he saw Ana curled up like a baby, clutching his T-shirt, asleep. He reached to her and blew away the strands of hair that were sticking on her forehead. She was sweating due to the heat. Unable to understand why the air conditioner was off, he quickly opened the balcony doors. Ana stirred lightly as she felt the cool breeze on her body and woke up looking around for Christian in slit eyes.

Christian saw this and moved to her quickly. "hi baby, sleep well?"

"Mmm. Best in the past few days" she said.

"Are you hungry? Do you want to eat something?"

"I want you close to me Christian" she said shaking her head.

"I'm here for you love. With you, by you, for you! forever" he said giving her a deep kiss on her forehead.

"What's the matter Christian? You went off for a long time with Taylor?"

"Nothing for you to worry about sweet heart. Something from the office needed my attention."

"Because of me, you aren't able to concentrate on your work as well. I'm so not right for you Christian" Ana whispered as her face fell.

"Ana baby, you're everything I need and much much more than what I deserve. Please don't look so low upon yourself. Whatever happens I will be here with you." he said dropping a peck on her lips. As his lips touched hers, she held his head, fingers curling into his hair and the kiss deepening between them as if their life depended on it. Both of them were panting for breath as they let go each other and Ana's cheeks were the color of the playroom. She could feel the heat in her cheeks and her body. But, she didn't know if she was ready for sex yet. It reminded her of her baby. Her shot had failed due to their extensive sex and she did not know if she was ready for it again.

"Would you like a hot bath baby?" Christian asked bringing her out of her thinking reverie. She just nodded and said "Christian, I love you. I want you as close as possible to me. But, I don't think i am ready for sex yet. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry Ana. I know that. Come" he said carrying her gently to the bathroom. She did not know when he had filled up the bathtub, but it smelled divine. As she was lowered into the tub, she could feel all her muscles moan with pleasure and within what felt like a second, he also got naked and joined her. As he went into the bath, he pulled her onto his lap and started massaging her shoulders and back, gently kissing her all the time. Right now, he only wanted to pour out all his love to her and get her back to normal again. They could think of pregnancies and babies later. But right now, he needed her and she him.


	8. Chapter 7: I am yours

_A/N : First of all, I thank all of you for the amazing support and reviews. It really is encouraging to write with all your support. But, with increasing work pressure and travelling, I try to update as soon as I can. My apologies for the very late previous update. Thanks again for liking and following my story. :)_

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"Ana, Baby" Christian called out gently, attempting to wake his sleeping wife. After their relaxing bath the previous night, Ana had curled up and fallen asleep, holding his hand close to her heart. All night she held him without moving and he had let her. All that he cared was about her getting better. But, all of Taylor's news had left him with very little, disturbed sleep. Thankfully, he hadn't gone through any night terrors, so Ana had slept deeply. It had been the best sleep she had had after their argument 8 days ago. Christian was uncertain and worried about what Elena might have been planning against him and his family, but whatever it was, he knew one thing for sure. He would protect his wife from them.

He had to talk to his security head Welch to understand more about Elena's and Leila's activities in the recent past. The both of them had been in contact since he had Leila sent to Fremont. He needed more details to protect Ana from them. Afterall life with Ana was his survival.

He had woken up early in the morning and gotten ready to head to the Grey house. He would have preferred to work from home, which he anyways would do after the breakfast meeting. Ros had told him that it was crucial he attending that meeting, although he did not know what there was Ros couldn't handle. Reluctantly he was waking Ana up to kiss her good-bye.

As he shook her slightly, she stirred and peeped at his face through her sleepy eyes. "Good morning " Christian wished, kissing her forehead deeply.

"Mhmm. What a way to wake up ." she smiled. But, her smile faded when she realized he was ready for work. "Do you have to go?" she asked, her eyes filled with tears.

"Baby, I promise I will be back before you know it. I have a breakfast meeting, which Ros insisted I attended. So, I will have to go to work for a few hours. But, lunch will be with my beautiful wife. My promise." he said kissing her on her lips this time.

"Sure Baby. I'm sorry to be behaving like a child. I understand you have to work. I'm sorry Christian. Please take your time." she replied. But he could see how much she needed him in her eyes. "I will be back soon my love. Until then, you can go back to sleep if you want" he said, tucking her into the blanket. The mornings already were getting chilly, inspite of it being only September. She smiled at him and had immediately fallen asleep. He had heard that people who were depressed slept a lot, but it had never worked with him and he didn't know if Ana was just sleeping off all her lost sleep or if she was still depressed and trying to put up a brave face for him.

"What do you have for me Welch?" Christian demanded heading straight to Welch's office as soon as he reached the Grey House.

"Sir, I'm not sure if I can say I have found out Elena's motives. But, we sure have a lead. Although I do not have the appropriate proof, I'm pretty sure we are looking at something big."

"Break the ice Welch".

"The suspicions you and Taylor had yesterday about Elena and Leila being in touch is true. They are in contact with each other from the past two months. But, what I don't understand is why Elena got in touch with , and that too only 3 times over the past two months. The last time being 7 days ago. I pulled out 's call history to find out that after Ana had called her, the next number had called was Elena's."

"Elena's medical reports state Dr. Clatron as her Gynaecologist. If we were to assume that Elena decided to change her doctor, we would again be left with a loose thread, because Elena had contacted Dr. Clatron two weeks ago the last and she has not missed out on her monthly checkups at all."

"You mean to say that could be involved in this too?" asked Christian.

"May be, may be not. We can find out more about it only by talking to her." replied Welch sincerely.

"Find out all that you can Welch. I will see you in an hour. I have to go now" said Christian, nodding.

He was still unable to believe that could also be a part of trouble they were facing or would be facing. He had always thought of her as a good doctor, when she had denied his attempts of bribery to pay Ana a personal visit. Still, the fact that Elena contacted Dr. Greene was true and for what reason, no one knew. He couldn't believe that Elena contacting Dr. Greene could cause harm to them, but still the layer of suspicion was always there.

During the meeting also, he hardly could pay attention. His mind was very occupied around his beautiful innocent wife and the trouble she might be caused. Ana couldn't forgive herself for getting her baby aborted, but she definitely had tried to seem more lively in front of him. Gail also had told Taylor about her not coming out of the bedroom all day, and also about her appetite going drastically down. If she had talked during the day, it would be coly with Christian. Otherwise, even if Gail or Taylor had approached her, she would reply in mono syllables.

Christian had never before been so desperate to finish a meeting. He wanted to discuss better with Welch and get back home as soon as he could. "What do you think Mr. Grey?" asked Ros suddenly pulling him out of his reverie.

"Like you all know, Grey Enterprizes is more into research in the areas of energy preserving, harvesting and telecommunication. No doubt memory plays a substantial role in our area of research. But, I am not sure how much of a benefit it will be to buy out a company which specializes in hard-drive manufacturing. Considering the market situation and the benefits this acquisition will bring to GEH, I am not yet convinced about this being a wise deal. However, if you're ready to consider this deal for 7 billion, instead of the original 10 billion, it probably would be an acceptable investment."

Ros along with all the others was looking at the clients for their reaction to Christian's proposal. But, it was again Christian who spoke. "If you're thinking of re-approaching Blake Communications, hoping to get a better deal, they already have a new alternative in their memory management team, and then you will definitely lose this deal as well. So it would be beneficial for both of us if you take this decision wisely. However, you can let Ros know about your decision." he said and immediately announced the meeting to be over.

He had played his card. Now it was upto the other management to decide if they wanted to merge with GEH, or face their own fate.

He had nearly rushed to Welch and had found him glued to his screen. "What is it Welch?" he commanded.

"The CCTV facing the living room in Escala seems to be tapped." said Welch, obviously worried. This was serious and he didn't know how his boss would react with all the other tension.

"What the fuck are you talking about? I thought you were my security head, and would be taking care of all this." Christian spat.

"From when was it tapped? When and how did we find it out?". The answer to the second question was obviously clear. But still, he needed to ask.

"After the CCTV's were installed, we constantly monitored the video feed. But, we didn't check the system. It is quite difficult to tell if our video is being recorded or not in the current system we have. However, from the VPR of the system, I think there's something wrong. I still cannot tell you for sure what exactly is wrong."

Christian let out a sigh, running his hand through his copper hair. "Welch, whatever it is, you will get to the bottom of it. Am I understood?" Christian demanded and Welch replied with just a nod.

"One more thing. I want tabs, I mean proper tabs on Leila, Elena and Dr. Greene. When I say tabs, I don't want the incapable lot like you put in Fremont. I need good ones Welch, and immediately. Get on it, now. I want to be updated with all the activities on all the three of them." he said and walked out from there. Normally, he would call his staff to his office to debrief him, but today, he just wanted to finish all the pressing jobs and head home.

"Has she eaten anything Gail?" was the first thing Christian asked as soon as he reached home.

"Good Day Mr. Grey, and no she hasn't come out Sir." replied Gail.

He went to his room and found his wife still lying down. It was 11 30 am and she still hadn't woken up he thought. He quickly got out of his shoes, and suit and climbed on the bed, moving close to her. "Mhmm" she moaned, stirring.

"Wake up sleepy head" Christian called out softly. She gently opened her eyes and immediately shut it tight, not able to take the bright light. He quickly grabbed the remote and brought down the blinds and started spooning her. She slowly opened her eyes, and they were puffed up and red. He understood she had again been crying.

"Wake up sweet heart. Time for food" he said, gently kissing her.

"Mhmm" was her only reply.

"Cumon cumon, up. Get up. I'm famished Ana." he declared.

"But, you went for a breakfast meeting. How come you're already hungry?"

"Ana, unlike your tiny tummy, mine demands a lot more food. Moreover, I didn't feel like eating anything without you. So, I rushed back for lunch with my beautiful wife."

"Christian, I'm sorry I am causing you all this pain. I'm sorry I denied you an opportunity to be a father. You'd have been a wonderful father." she said, tears filling her eyes again.

"I don't know about that baby. How can someone as fucked up as me be a good father?"

"Because, I can see you be."

"Ana, first of all, this is only a small hitch in our lives. You haven't denied me anything. If you find only yourself responsible for whatever happened, you're wrong. I am to blame too. I was an asshole who did not man up enough to support and hold my pregnant wife and I don't see why you feel yourself so compelled to beat yourself up over it. I'm not telling what happened was good, but, may be it was meant to happen. May be we actually weren't ready for a child now, and that is why all this happened."

"I am sure to hell to get you pregnant soon enough, and you will be the only woman to make me a father. Please Ana, we gotta leave whatever happened behind us and continue in life. Otherwise, we'll only be stuck there all our life. Come now, lets get you fresh and lets go eat."

"I will be the only woman to make you a father? Really?" Ana asked with her puppy eyes.

"Of course Mrs. Grey, who else will do me that honor?"

"Oh Christian, after everything I have done, after the horrible woman I have been, you still can forgive me and give me our child?"

"For the love of Jesus Ana, it is not only your fault. What has happened is happened. There is no use in banging our chests and wailing about it. We need to move on. Now will you please get up and come out of this fucking room? You are stuck here for nearly 10 days Ana."

She nodded slightly and got up to go to the bathroom. "Not so soon Mrs. Grey, you will not go in there without me." he commented, and his pupils had dilated, making his stare heat up Ana's body.

He got rid of her robe, carried her into the bathroom and gently put her on her feet. He fetched her toothbrush and was about to brush her teeth, when she stopped him "Christian, I lost my baby, not my limbs."

He admonished her and pulled her in front of him, carefully brushing all her thirty one teeth. He took her into the shower and gently washed her all over. It felt so sensual that Ana could barely stand. They hadn't made love in the past ten days and right now Christian wan not intending to change that. He only wanted to care for his wife, make her stronger and then only enjoy her body. Her mind had to be calm and rid of guilt.

But, all his washing made Ana feel otherwise. She grabbed him from his hair and pulled him close. She started kissing him like the world soon end and their tongues started dancing to a music that was audible only to them. Within seconds his erection had started pressing against her and she wanted nothing else but feel him inside her.

"Oh Baby" Christian moaned across her mouth as he gently slid into her only to pull out immediately. "What's the matter Christian?" Ana asked perplexed at his sudden withdrawal. "Not without the fucker Ana" he said and rushed to fetch a condom and Ana started grinning at the way he addressed a condom. He quickly slid it over his length and went back over her to continue what was interrupted. He slid back into her, while gently caressing her breasts and lips stuck to each other's, not willing to separate. After pulling out and in a few times, he started moving slowly, but with force.

"Oh Christian, please. Faster" shouted Ana and as if on cue, he actually started moving, making her climb higher and higher. "Oh fuck! Ana.. Aanaaa.. Come for me Ana." he spoke through gritted teeth. As if she was just waiting for him to say those words, she came loudly. All her spasms surrounding his cock gave him his loud release and both of them lied down on the shower flow exhausted.

"You never cease to amaze me Mrs. Grey." he said pulling her into his embrace and she replied "I love you Christian."


End file.
